I wasn't Goth when Country wasn't cool...

...and no I didn't confuse the lyrics of the Barbara Mandrell song. I know I wasn't goth because about 13 years ago, which coincidentally was also the so called lucky number of the girl I was dating at the time. Who we will call Marissa, cause that was her name. Who by the way is fat now, looks just like her mother and is married to a marketing consultant. YAWN! I certainly dodged a bullet there. So anyway, I know for a fact that I wasn't Goth because we used to go to the dance club known for their acceptance of the "weird" or "misunderstood" type of people. Although, I have just realized this is the type of person I have become. You see, when you live in Utah and don't fit in with either the conservatives or the liberals you're kind of stuck in a very awkward position. Its a land of extremes and while I am a member of the major religious establishment, I'm really not one with the fold on a social level. Could it be my past and present experiences with drug use, perverted sense of humor, and my unwillingness to show compassion to the disenfranchised? Maybe, possibly, who knows and its not really the point. Oh, and yes I realize the many layers of hypocrisy which exist within me. So anyway, the point is is that Marissa and I are at the club and we start dancing, which I normally don't do as I have a total lack of grace or rhythm. But I decide to try and have a good time, so I do and lo and behold, I say unto thee, I'm having a great time! So great I just had to smile. At this point, she turns to me and say's "Brad, you're not supposed to smile while dancing to Gothic music, you look stupid. And this is how I know I'm not Goth.

Bradley Plierhands

Online Girl meets Bradley Plierhands

Hello Anastasia,

I think you are cute and really funny. Please take a moment to look at my custom furniture and let me know what you like and then you can buy something. Or I just might send something to you. Partly because I'm a sucker for women who are funny and because I get bored sometimes and just start creating things and when I'm passionately creating something I think of Edward Scissorhands and they way he effortlessly made the bushes into sculptures and then I start thinking how nice it would be to have tools on the end of my arms instead of hands. Such as large pliers or bolt cutters.

I mostly think this because I'm always cutting myself, but not in a goth or adolescent depression kind of cutting. More like it was an accident and metal fell on me. Then I think about how difficult it would be to be intimate with a woman without hands, but then I realize that I am never intimate with a woman anyway, so that aspect of having tool hands doesn't really apply.

The lack of intimacy with women isn't because I'm ugly or have a disease. I believe it has more to do with the fact that for some reason women really are attracted to guys with self confidence, of which I have none. I don't know why I'm lacking self confidence. There's really is no logical explanation for it. But I refuse to see a therapist about it. Mostly because I am certain that he or she will want me to do some sort of mental exercise and I would rather spend my time watching Curb your Enthusiasm or planting vegetables on state owned land. Which by the way, that land should just be mine. They don't even take care of it. There is garbage all over the place and the weeds never get cut down. Come summertime it becomes quite the fire hazard. So here I am the only one in town that gives a crap so I just go ahead and cut a hole in the fence, then clean and mow it all myself.

But actually now that I think about it I don't go to see a therapist because my health insurance doesn't cover mental health care, and there is no way I am spending any of my money to sit and chat with someone for 50 minutes. Seriously, the money I make is made with my own blood sweat and tears. Mostly sweat, okay, I admit it, mostly tears. I do cry more then the average male, almost like this steady stream of salt water down my face. Although I do subscribe to Dickens, so I "never be ashamed." Oh, and that thing about getting cut all the time, yeah, lots of blood too.

So anyway, let me know if you like my work. I would love to hear any opinions you have on it and maybe we can meet someday and do a project together.

Cheers,

Brad