This town is too small

Today I went downtown and no I'm not already downtown like you would think. I'm just outside of downtown. So I went to this coffee place that serves a really good smoothy and not one of those low budget ones with the ice cream and high fructose corn syrup. This is a pure smoothy made entirely out of frozen fruit. I order and stand to the side where I notice one the most attractive blondes I've seen in a long time. So I get my smoothy and sit down next to her. She's drinking an espresso and so I figure I have a limited window to get to know about her and maybe get a phone number.

So tell her my first name and strike up a conversation with her. I think it started with asking her where she gets her hair done or something fairly effeminate so she doesn't feel too threatened or think "oh great, another guy picking me up, why can't I enjoy my espresso in peace." About four minutes into the conversation. Yeah there was a clock behind her and I couldn't help but to keep track of how long this lasts. I'm sure it would have been better to actually listen but the length of conversations have always been fascinating to me. So four minutes in and she asks me what I like to do for fun. This is a question I really don't like because I don't like much of anything anyone else likes to do for fun. But I would rather not lie because if I do and we end up hanging out we might have to see a movie or go ice skating or do whatever people do for fun. So I just tell her what I've been doing for fun lately. So I say "Well, right now I spend most of my time inside I like to go online and post a call for artist on craigslists and then have people email me their work and then I turn everyone down.

It's a lot of fun because it makes me feel powerful to crush someones hopes." She laughs a little like in a way someone would if I was kidding and asks what the call for artists is all about. I tell her I have an art gallery where I display local artists. She asks which one, and I say "The Brad Metcalf Gallery." She responds "WHAT!, you're Brad Metcalf?" I am, I reply and for a second I get a significant ego boost because she's heard of me. But then she tells me her name and suddenly feel like a complete fool because I remember the name from an email and a body of work I saw that was really awful. But I really didn't care, it wasn't the first conversation I've had ending with the word "Asshole" and a mad stomp out of the room. I would have to admit this experience was overall a positive one. I could never date, let alone be friends with someone who's major influence and inspiration is linked to Andy Warhol.

*DISCLAIMER*
I, Brad Metcalf do not turn down anyone's artwork for the fun of it. Saying no to artists work is actually not fun at all and when I do I hope the artist will find a place to display their work and have a lot of success. I remember what it feels like to be turned down at galleries and would never want someone else to feel discouraged about moving forward with their work or the promotion of it. The majority of the time artwork is not accepted into the gallery because it doesn't reflect the current theme and scope of work in which the gallery is working to promote. Also, please remember this blog is for entertainment purposes only, and contains very little truth in each posting if any at all.

Cause opposites attract

If opposites attract, that means I'm going to have to find a woman that is not totally clueless. Does that even exist?

She says I should meet her Dad. (A satire)

Whenever a girl says she want's me to meet her father and that we would "love to hang out together" or "my dad would love you" or "you and my dad would really get along" for the next one and a half seconds I think the following;

"Oh boy this is going way too fast, what does she mean by this? does this mean she wants her dad and me to be pals and make sure we get along really well and then for me to feel comfortable enough to ask him if he want to be my dad too? As in my dad by law which means marriage and junk? Oh crap, now I'm going to have to get a real job and quit this artist stuff even though I make about three times as much doing this then I would if I got one of those real jobs. Does this mean she wants to have kids? I think this is going to involve sex and I just met this chick and I'm not one of those one night stand kind of guys.

Oh wait, I guess we would be married or whatever. But still I don't even know this girl, what if she is one of those people who kicks in their sleep. I hate that probably more then talking with food in your mouth. Which is weird because I do that and apologize while I'm doing it. Or maybe this is just her way of flirting and she is just looking for a rebounder because of a very serious relationship that just ended two weeks ago and now her BFF is telling her the time is right to get out and date other guys and the way to get over a guy is to get under a new one. But what if this is like love at first site and I'm the guy she has been dreaming about all her life, but then I go into self defeating thoughts like 'who would dream about me? I don't even have a six pack or a mustang. I thought chicks liked guys that were ripped and had sports cars.' Although I do have a mustang its just not done yet and I don't know if will ever be.

I mean it's in its 13 year of restoration and barely looks like a car but I guess I could get it going if I could be with this girl. She is cute. I don't know, there is so much wrong with that car. I think the engine is in crooked. But that's what you get when you hire some crack head in the ghetto of SLC to help you fix it up. Actually Salt Lake doesn't really have a ghetto but if you grow up in suburbia Utah and then see houses with less then 50% brick and cars parked outside over night, you think its the ghetto. Man, I can't believe that stupid car isn't done yet. I guess I have learned a lot, mostly to never restore a car ever again. So anyway, why is this girl even talking to me, I have no six pack and a old broken Ford. Maybe my mom was right, maybe I am a catch. I did over hear some lady in my neighborhood saying the same thing, or maybe it was to my face. I can't remember. Either way its not really the same as someone my own age, not related to me and not someone being nice as I walk down the road and get into one of those awkward 'how's your life conversations.' That was supposed to be 'how are you?' until they bring up the question of 'any special ladies.' And I know its my fault for not giving a short answer but why does that have to be a topic of conversation anyway. Well at least she didn't ask about the Mustang.

Now as all of this is going threw my head I realize I was just, for the last second and a half, staring right into space which also happened to be in the same line that meets up with her cleavage so I hurry and look up and say, "yeah, your dad sounds cool, it would be cool to meet him."